Friday, April 23, 2010


I spent the day talking to my lawyer about my car accident... and the only thing that I keep thinking about is... This all isn't fair.

When we were kids we would listen to our parents and they would say "no, we will give the toy to Timmy and we will share, why? because thats fair" We learn a word that seems to hold so much weight in our minds, yet as adults we only know the word unfair as it is the world we live in.

It is unfair to watch a mother bury her baby, unfair for a baby to loose it's mother or father, unfair that there is disease and sickness and dispear. It is unfair that families go hungry while others throw unused food away. It is unfair that a child has a disability of any shape or form, and that there is no help at times.

I remember watching Peyton and praying that she would be okay, and trying to not be angry, how is it fair? Why do I have a little boy who wants so desperatly to talk and can't and a daughter who is sick and fighting? How is this fair? What did I do? I think that the idea of fairness represents that good people have good things happen to them, and bad people have bad things happen. In reality good and bad will happen to all of us, if something bad happenes it isn't punishment, or karma, just life.

If I could I would make the world a fair place. Mom's would never bury their babies, children would always grow up with both parents, all would have food and education and clothing. Warm beds and warm hugs.

Life would be fair.
But it isn't.
How unfair.

Friday, April 16, 2010

From Signs of Love to Words.... Our Journey Part 8

Yeah Disneyland! So here we are the day before we hit the road to the most wonderful place on earth and I am thinking of all the possible ways I can keep Joshua safe in a place overloaded with kids and toys.

We went to Children's Hospital for an EEG for Peyton and while I was there waiting to talk to her neurologist I had an idea, an incredibly, wonderful,super,idea. I went to Emergency and because they were dead... okay bad use of words but you get what I am saying, I asked the administration nurse if I could possibly have 5 or 6 of the plastic bracelets that they put on the kids when they are admitted to the hospital. I had this thought that I could take them home and cover them with all the information that would be needed if he got lost, his name, our names, cell phone numbers, everything. Then to make it more appealing to my little almost 3 year old, covered it in stickers... This worked. And I taught Joshua that if he gets lost and can't find mommy or daddy look for someone with a tag (or baby stroller) and point to your wrist. We never needed it but it was a stress reliever and a great idea for any kids that are not speaking yet.

It is literally by the grace of God that we were able to go to Disneyland. Everything lined up just perfectly, our airfare we found at I believe $90 per person, and hotel we found at just $100 per night. we really were tight for money but honestly it was needed. I knew that this fight would be up-hill for the next who-knows-how-long and I needed to be at the top of my game first.

Those days at Disneyland will be cherished for the rest of my life, Joshua needed it more than I ever thought and he was so happy. Every ride, every parade he soaked up as though it were sun and he had been in a cave for years. The relief of knowing that for this week everyday is full of fun, you won't go to the Dr, you won't go to a therapist instead we will have tea with Alice, and breakfast with Goofy. We will ride every ride and see every site.

We also went on a tour through LA and went to Santa Monica Beach, Joshua and Peyton were able to step in the sand. Joshua and I ran out to the ocean and literally just laughed. We did the tourist things like get their pictures drawn in cartoon and it was perfect.

That trip meant more to me than any vacation I have ever been on, and knowing that Joshua smiled and was happy and got to be a little boy with no worries was perfect. I thank God everyday for that special time.

I know... I know!

I am so sorry I haven't updated my blog with Journey #8 yet I have had quite a few e-mails to my inbox about it and I am so sorry.... I am just trying to get my back to heal from the surgery and it is taking LOTS of time. I will try to have another post up in the next few days.

Thanks to everyone who has posted such sweet and kind comments... It means a lot to know that you are reading out there...

Thursday, April 8, 2010

From Signs of Love to Words.... Our Journey Part 7

A little relaxation... that is what we needed. We took Joshua to Seattle for the day to watch a Thomas the Train theater production and it was so much fun. Just spending the day with the family not worrying about his speech. But then... it happened... we are in the car, and Joshua starts to cry, and it was more of a painful something is wrong cry, I am becoming frantic because I really have no idea what is going on. Is he hurt? Sick? What? Then he begins to choke... I scream at Chris that he is choking and to pull over, which is not an easy task at all because we are on the interstate at a merge lane. Just as we are pulling over Joshua begins to throw up everywhere, as I am pulling Joshua out of the car a police officer pulls over to find out why we dodged through three lanes of traffic. He pulls over gets out of his car and starts the walk over to us, as he sees that Joshua has thrown up everywhere and I do mean EVERYWHERE he begins to gag. That's right this big tall police officer is gagging and coughing at the site of my 2 year old's vomit!

The officer headed back to his car and phoned in our plates (I guess to double check... or avoid the issue) he then brought some paper towel for us, and some gloves so that I could clean the whole car seat and back of the car up. He was actually very nice. Once we got ourselves back in order we drove off, we wondered if he had food poisoning, or just a sick tummy be he seemed fine so we continued on. About 30 minutes later the event started all over again, we were covered in vomit, and I was now sitting in the back seat with Joshua holding a bag. The only way that we knew something was wrong was that he would let out a painful cry and I would place the bag under his face in case he began to vomit. Turns out Joshua gets car sick, and it is a 3 hour drive from Vancouver to Seattle... and with a car sick baby it is about 5 hours.

Are you reading this and wondering why I told this story? Well it was a fact that we had to accept, no matter how much I tried to get away there were simple facts that Joshua at almost 3 couldn't tell me he was sick. It was the painful scream that warned me that something was wrong, not his words. What if this had been more serious? What if we were at home and I was in another room and didn't see he was hurt? All these thoughts raced through my head over and over again, what if? Looking back i can laugh at the police officer and his tearful gags and know it will all be okay, but that day I honestly thought how am i going to make this work? How will I fix this for my son? The get away that I had planned for that day to forget our worries made me worry even more... So I went EXTREME... DISNEYLAND! What better place to ignore your worries for a week than Disneyland. So I booked the flight, hotel and we left the next week... April 1st 2009!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


I go all out on making the birthday cake for my kids... I have no idea why... for Joshua's first birthday I did a Winnie the Pooh Cake with tigger cupcakes (he was really into Winnie the Pooh.) For Joshua's second birthday I decided to make a three tear cake and cover it with icing and make it a Lightning McQueen Cake... I stayed up late that night and worked on it... in a heat wave... and then I went to bed really happy with how it turned out... then it melted.. and the backside of the cake came off... so Joshua had a store bought one... and I was fine with it.. because I was so tired at that point.

For Joshua's 3rd Birthday I took it easy and make blue cupcakes and just covered them with Thomas the Train blue icing (Wilton's is the best because you can get ALOT of colour without adding so much which makes them taste better)and then set them up on a cupcake stand and surrounded them with a wooden train track... Peyton's first birthday I did with the help of my friend Ashley and we created a flower arrangment with cupcakes and oreo cookies and some icing. We also added smarties which I made into little lady bugs and bees... they were so cute! Here are some pictures!